Scott and Helen’s Wedding

Ender really got on my nerve this morning when he incessantly tried to flip and roll over onto his tummy and crawled while I was trying to change his diaper.  I remembered Scott’s reminder to gently instruct and positively reinforce, and I repeated instructions for him to flip back and stay still on his back (which he understands now, in Chinese).  He didn’t heed it, and continued to flip.  Finally, I let him experience the consequence of his disobedience, without actually allowing a concussion.  He scraped the side of his head on the edge of the change table and cried.  I put him back, and he flipped again.  This time I let him fall, and I put him down gently onto the floor and stood there watching.  He looked around, didn’t cry, and proceeded to crawl toward the stereo system.  I put him back on again, he flipped again, and before I could put on his pants, he fell and I again caught him and put him on the ground.  Again he crawled toward the bookshelf and CD player.  I put him back on the table, he continued to cry, but didn’t flip again.  I finished putting his pants on and picked him up and kissed him.  But I was flustered.  I told Scott later that I was upset, and thought I was not very patient and not a very good mother today.  I’d yelled at him, and I didn’t comfort him immediately when he cried until we got to the living and I sat him about to nurse him.  We’ve been thinking about whether to have another baby.  I feel like I’d definitely be a horrible mother if I have more than one; as it is, I’m barely able to enjoy Ender truly and be a good mom.  After nursing I put him down for his first nap, and he quickly went to sleep.  He wasn’t overtired; the timing was just right, 2.5 hours after he woke up this morning.

I did enjoy Ender when he got up from his nap .  We played and he was again the pleasant little fellow, mischievous and very busy, but pleasant and amusing again.  I kiss his cheeks so many times every day it’s impossible to count. I feel like a vacation, though.  Going somewhere with Ender and Scott.  Seeing the ocean, or something.  It’ll be good to go hiking this weekend.  It might be good to go down and visit Mom in Salem soon.